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Going through a divorce process is one of the most difficult and heartbreaking events one may ever face in their life. While it may be a great challenge for you to lose a partner and undergo the lengthy process, you must know that it’s awful for your children as well. Not only that they’d be losing a parent, but they can also lose a friend who can help and guide them.
It’s said that it’s extremely unpleasant to your children when they need to meet divorce lawyers and get involved in the whole legal proceeding. The last thing that they’d want is to choose sides between each parent that they love both equally. Some may end up getting scarred by the situation to which they carry with them into their later years.
To make the whole ordeal bearable for your younglings to cope up with, listed below are some of the ways on how you can walk them through the divorce process:
Do These To Guide Your Children Through A Divorce Process
1. Provide Assurance
While the situation may be difficult for your children to understand, you must constantly remind them that your love for them as their parents would never change. You should explain to them properly that it’s difficult for adults to work out on relationships and not all end up working out. Affirm to them that you’ll do everything to provide the same love and guidance as much as you can.
Apart from saying what your plans are, you should ensure that you walk the talk and turn your words into action. You could set a weekly schedule wherein you could bond and get together with your children and former partner to do stuff the kids would like. However, you may need to ensure that you place your differences with your ex aside and try to avoid getting into conflicts and disagreements as much as possible.
2. Talk To Your Children
As a child goes through the hardships of seeing their family go through a divorce process, you should make time and talk to them about how they feel. No matter how much they try to avoid the discussion, you should look for ways to initiate the conversation when everyone is in a lighter mood.
As you talk to your children, you should never interrupt them and allow them to speak their hearts outs. You’re there to lend an ear and not defend yourself by making the decision to take up a divorce. In this way, you’ll know what they exactly feel so you can look for healthy ways on how you can make them feel a little better.
3. Explain The Reason For Divorce
While you don’t necessarily need to explain to your children the cause of your divorce process in detail, you should remind them that they’re not the cause of it.
Most children whose parents are getting divorced are believed to shift the blame to themselves as to why their family is going through a rough patch. While you may know for a fact that it’s not true, you should constantly remind your young loved ones that they didn’t cause anything for that to happen. Assert that it’s your and your partner’s decision to take on separate paths.
You could explain to your children that you and your partner have decided to part ways because being together is no longer healthy for everyone.
4. Validate Their Feelings
As you folks sit down and have the talk, you should never invalidate your children’s feelings. You can’t control how they react to news such as an upcoming divorce and you should accept their emotions caused by the situation.
Give time for all of you to discuss with you how everybody’s feeling about the situation. Respect each other’s feedback and never try to argue with each other. The least your children need right now is to feel misunderstood while their whole world is in a whirlwind. No matter how angry they could get, you should respect their emotions and try to communicate back in a calm way.
5. Offer Support
Divorce is a difficult and oftentimes painful chapter for partners but you should remind yourself that your children are going through the same rough path too. With that, you may want to offer support to your children as much as you can.
After dropping the heavy news and allowing your children to comprehend it fully, you should talk to them and ask how you can help. Ideally, you should ask them while they’re calm and in a better headspace so you can get a coherent answer.
If your children aren’t keen on divulging their thoughts with you, there are ways that may possibly make them feel better. Consider engaging in different activities with them such as taking a walk in the park, cooking their favorite meal, or even just sitting together on the couch comfortably. You can also ask if they’d like to call your former partner and have a short conversation with them.
Going through a divorce is rough for everyone involved, especially for young children. They usually blame themselves for what has happened to their family. To make them feel a bit better about the whole situation, you should always be there to listen and understand what they’re going through. Give them time and space to fully comprehend the whole process for them to eventually healthily adapt to the new changes in their life.