Divorce is one of the most challenging things a family can go through. Youâre separating from your spouse, but it also greatly impacts your children. As their parent, youâll need to be there for them as they navigate this challenging time in their lives. Here are some ways you can help your child coping with your divorce.
Donât Make Your Child a Messenger
Using your child as a messenger is never a good idea because it can confuse the relationship between parent and child. Children struggle to handle adult issues and problems, so they can become easily confused when asked to be the middleman. This can make them feel alienated and confused about whatâs going on in their home life.
Another reason why itâs not good to use children as messengers is that they will feel guilty if they canât deliver a message accurately or entirely. This can lead them to think that the problem lies within them instead of seeing it as an issue between you and your ex-spouse.
Finally, using children as messengers can create resentment between both parents because they may feel that their child isnât being treated fairly or appropriately, considering their age and maturity level. It might also give the idea that one parent may be trying to âpoisonâ the child against the other parent, too, which should be avoided.
Communication and Shared Care
Communication is crucial between you and your ex-partner in order to care for your child/children mutually without any animosity. You should be communicating directly with each other without anything descending into arguments, especially regarding childcare and any finances pertaining to that. Note that sorting a dependent care flexible spending account might help make the latter a little simpler.
Ultimately, you may be divorced, but that doesnât mean you cut contact altogether when you share kids. Putting your childâs well-being and care above others is a priority. You can only do that when you communicate properly (without negativity or attitude) and share the effort, time, and finances required to give your children what they need in life.
Give Your Child Time to Grieve
While itâs normal for children to be sad or angry after a divorce, you shouldnât pressure them to get over it. Instead, allow your child time to grieve the change in their life â divorce impacts children more than you might think. Itâs essentially a loss of their family routine and arrangement, especially if one parent moves out or the child moves out of the home to live elsewhere with the other parent.
Your child may feel at fault for the divorce and might hold onto anger or guilt if they feel responsible for causing it (even if this isnât true). Itâs not uncommon for kids to blame themselves like this. Be sensitive when talking with your child and reassure them that theyâre not to blame for the breakup.
Avoid Putting Your Kids in the Middle of Custody Battles
Itâs a common strategy for parents to put their children in the middle of custody battles. The truth is that this can hurt your children more than benefit them. When parents are in conflict, they often try to turn their children into pawns. They use the kids as leverage against each other and make them choose sides, leading to confusion, guilt, and stress on the childâs part.
This isnât healthy for children, especially if theyâre very young or have special needs. In fact, itâs never okay to put a child in the middle of parental conflict because it can cause serious emotional damage and long-term trauma that lasts throughout their lives.
Consider Therapy
When youâre going through a divorce, your children donât always understand whatâs happening. As a result, they may have trouble adjusting to the changes in their family dynamic. Plus, if youâre struggling with your emotions and feelings about the divorce, that may also be confusing for them.
If youâre worried that your children arenât handling their feelings about your divorce well, consider getting divorce therapy for them. In therapy, theyâll be able to talk through their emotions with a professional who can help them understand whatâs happening and give them tools for coping with the huge changes in their lives.
Conclusion
While the negative impact of divorce on children can be difficult to measure, there are several ways you can help your children to cope with this transition. By keeping them informed, giving them as much support as possible, communicating maturely with your ex, and keeping the kids out of any conflict, you can help them through this life-changing transition.